Top 10 Junk
For some reason my spam has been increasing lately. When I checked today morning, there were 56 messages in that junk folder. And that after I cleaned it yesterday evening. Because I cannot get myself to delete anything without at least reading through the subject lines, I am now going to inflict... err... share the choicest and the best among those with you, the exalted reader of my blog. Accompanied by my comments, of course.
1. :_ RND08:{zero-cost_bussiness_ops_information}Hartsell_-_Latoyia -- poor thing who sent this has a broken keyboard and is also acutely dyslexic and may also be a closet schizophrenic. Rightful place is in an asylum with 24/7 care and a padded cell.
2. Keeping We1ght Off -- Listen sicko, I've known people who tried to keep weight off. I've seen them do acupunture, that fleecing called HerbaLife, some weird weight reduction pills from an upmarket clinic in Bjr Hills and also the whole massage, sauna, diet routine in those 'beauty parlours' which guarantee weight loss of 5 kilos in 10 days. It never happens. Unless you're talking about surgery to take all the fat off, just tell me WHY the F would I want to open your mail and see what else you have to offer?
3. Do you know beans about coffee -- now this one was nice. Unique. A pure gem. Don't think I got this ever before. Made me stop and look at it in amazement. It might even be the work of a genius. I mean, to think that somebody sat there and thought and thought about what would be so unusual and out of the blue that it would snag my attention when I'm going through my spam! It's such a nice thought. I paused in my rant and smiled.
4. CIAL1S & LEVITRA starts W0RK1NG up to twice as fast as VIAG~RA & last up to 24... -- Notice the way it trails off after 24. 24 what? Minutes? Hours? Days? Omigod?! Heeeelllppppppp...
5. WANT^ A_ VE-RY BIG C,O-C'K ^' plskbaefjnpvd -- Apologies to the people out there who have trouble seeing the word c**k, even when punctuated with commas and hyphens and apostrophes to completely distort it and make it slip though the filters I have set up, but I needed to comment on this. I was just wondering that if I took these messages to heart and if they were true, by now I'd have a 50 feet long pe... You get the point.
6. FW : do you feel like cutting your pen1s off? -- Oh My GOD!!! I swear I didn't make this up. It was there among the other almost innocent junk. I'll even forward it to anyone who wants proof. I'm still not over this...
7. Get an SANY0 C0L0R Cell PH0NE with N0 CREDlT Check, FREE! -- sigh. I bet this fellow is related to the hundreds of Nigerian dictators who lose their kingdoms and manage to slip away with billions of dollars all wanting to deposit them in my account and then I get half just because I helped him get the money out of there.
8. Aran, Looking for love, not age reply -- How nice. He even wrote to me personally. Too bad he ended up in my junk mail folder anyway. Stupid person! If I was looking for love, do you think I'd be spending this time in front of the 'puter? And excuse me, looking for love, not age? Why not age? Why exactly do you think I am not looking for age? Do you think I want some 90 year old doddering walking stick dependent? Do you think I'm not good enough or nice enough or slim enough or tall enough or fair enough for all of those YOUNG morons who write to the personals for someone who fitted the description of Ms. Rai?
9. bazooka pen1s pi11 -- yes, I know this is getting a definite A-rated slant but well, I couldn't pass this up. It's such a perfect example of two words which should not be used in the same sentence. (The first two, if anyone is wondering).
10. C0MPLlMENTARY Restaurant GlFT Card enclosed for *****, NO COST -- Confession time. I once clicked on this and it led me through five pages of filling up forms before I realised its just something stupid and closed those windows. Warning you about this is my good deed for the day.
So ladies and gentlemen, there they were, the ten noteworthy junk emails I got today. Hope you had fun with 'em; this was Aran, reporting for the junk email section of Weird and Whacky and I'll return you to our main desk in the studio now. Have a good day and don't forget to smile. :o)
1. :_ RND08:{zero-cost_bussiness_ops_information}Hartsell_-_Latoyia -- poor thing who sent this has a broken keyboard and is also acutely dyslexic and may also be a closet schizophrenic. Rightful place is in an asylum with 24/7 care and a padded cell.
2. Keeping We1ght Off -- Listen sicko, I've known people who tried to keep weight off. I've seen them do acupunture, that fleecing called HerbaLife, some weird weight reduction pills from an upmarket clinic in Bjr Hills and also the whole massage, sauna, diet routine in those 'beauty parlours' which guarantee weight loss of 5 kilos in 10 days. It never happens. Unless you're talking about surgery to take all the fat off, just tell me WHY the F would I want to open your mail and see what else you have to offer?
3. Do you know beans about coffee -- now this one was nice. Unique. A pure gem. Don't think I got this ever before. Made me stop and look at it in amazement. It might even be the work of a genius. I mean, to think that somebody sat there and thought and thought about what would be so unusual and out of the blue that it would snag my attention when I'm going through my spam! It's such a nice thought. I paused in my rant and smiled.
4. CIAL1S & LEVITRA starts W0RK1NG up to twice as fast as VIAG~RA & last up to 24... -- Notice the way it trails off after 24. 24 what? Minutes? Hours? Days? Omigod?! Heeeelllppppppp...
5. WANT^ A_ VE-RY BIG C,O-C'K ^' plskbaefjnpvd -- Apologies to the people out there who have trouble seeing the word c**k, even when punctuated with commas and hyphens and apostrophes to completely distort it and make it slip though the filters I have set up, but I needed to comment on this. I was just wondering that if I took these messages to heart and if they were true, by now I'd have a 50 feet long pe... You get the point.
6. FW : do you feel like cutting your pen1s off? -- Oh My GOD!!! I swear I didn't make this up. It was there among the other almost innocent junk. I'll even forward it to anyone who wants proof. I'm still not over this...
7. Get an SANY0 C0L0R Cell PH0NE with N0 CREDlT Check, FREE! -- sigh. I bet this fellow is related to the hundreds of Nigerian dictators who lose their kingdoms and manage to slip away with billions of dollars all wanting to deposit them in my account and then I get half just because I helped him get the money out of there.
8. Aran, Looking for love, not age reply -- How nice. He even wrote to me personally. Too bad he ended up in my junk mail folder anyway. Stupid person! If I was looking for love, do you think I'd be spending this time in front of the 'puter? And excuse me, looking for love, not age? Why not age? Why exactly do you think I am not looking for age? Do you think I want some 90 year old doddering walking stick dependent? Do you think I'm not good enough or nice enough or slim enough or tall enough or fair enough for all of those YOUNG morons who write to the personals for someone who fitted the description of Ms. Rai?
9. bazooka pen1s pi11 -- yes, I know this is getting a definite A-rated slant but well, I couldn't pass this up. It's such a perfect example of two words which should not be used in the same sentence. (The first two, if anyone is wondering).
10. C0MPLlMENTARY Restaurant GlFT Card enclosed for *****, NO COST -- Confession time. I once clicked on this and it led me through five pages of filling up forms before I realised its just something stupid and closed those windows. Warning you about this is my good deed for the day.
So ladies and gentlemen, there they were, the ten noteworthy junk emails I got today. Hope you had fun with 'em; this was Aran, reporting for the junk email section of Weird and Whacky and I'll return you to our main desk in the studio now. Have a good day and don't forget to smile. :o)
posted by Aran at 4:34 AM
39 Comments:
no wonder you are online for ever. ever consider changing your email add. or do what i do...don't check mail for a zillion days and mail box gets full/inactivated and all the spam bounces back to whichever moron is snding it.
it could work!!!
[Posted by aloque on Monday May 24, 2004 at 2:41 pm]
Ummm... I kind of enjoy reading through the subjects. And if I'm not writing a blog entry about it, it's just a matter of select all and delete - which is like 2 minutes.
Okay, so I'm weird. So?!
[Posted by Aran on Monday May 24, 2004 at 3:31 pm]
har har har.... just saw salman with the new wig... har har har..... spam the dipshit.... spam salman sonny soon so sthat sunsets seem sunnier still.... shar shar shar.....
[Posted by ar on Monday May 24, 2004 at 4:55 pm]
An absolutely attractive attempt at alliteration ar. Now, would you like to sit down and tell me what's bothering you?
[Posted by Aran on Monday May 24, 2004 at 5:21 pm]
That was a GOOD post! Really enjoyed it!
[Posted by Portuguese Man-Of-War on Monday May 24, 2004 at 5:50 pm]
me arse is on fire... so the idea of sitting down isn't very attractive.. can't say the same about lilac though... vhureeee attractive... whats wrong.... you haven't been reading ma blogs have you woman???? If you were you'd understand what's wrong.... i'll tell you what's wrong... the g........
[Posted by ar on Monday May 24, 2004 at 5:52 pm]
Thank ya PMOW.
ar, I read your blog and am still not clear about about what Mr. S. Khan had to do with anything.
[Posted by Aran on Tuesday May 25, 2004 at 9:45 am]
ah the utter banality of it all.... salman khan has everything to do with it.... his wigs have given birth to a new kind of hatred and anger.... one that will not be subdued by crayons... nope we need better chains and stuffed toys to hold it down..... where's ma gin?????
[Posted by ar on Tuesday May 25, 2004 at 10:34 am]
Have you seen him in the new movie with Priyanka Chopra? 'Mujhse Shaadi Karoge' I think. Doesn't he look cute. Awww...
[Posted by Aran on Tuesday May 25, 2004 at 1:03 pm]
good god woman... are ye serious.... well smack me arse and call me uncle.... you actually like the twerp with the false donkey hair.... ayo rama sita.... love notting hill.... *swoon*
[Posted by ar on Tuesday May 25, 2004 at 1:21 pm]
*SMACK* uncle. ;)
[Posted by Aran on Tuesday May 25, 2004 at 1:30 pm]
ah.. finally a meaningful relationship... sad it invloves me arse and not me as a person..... i'm not a piece of meat yer know.... there' more to me than the buns....
[Posted by ar on Tuesday May 25, 2004 at 2:23 pm]
Okay, finally I understand. You want me to puke all over my keyboard, dont you?
[Posted by Aran on Tuesday May 25, 2004 at 3:53 pm]
ah... puke and me buns... can i have a side order of your spit with some bile laced gravy???? parcel please.... we can talk bout the relationship over dinner.... what say????
[Posted by ar on Tuesday May 25, 2004 at 8:08 pm]
Confirmed.
btw, do you think I should put in a tagboard or sumfink?
And can we get back to Salman Khan?
[Posted by Aran on Tuesday May 25, 2004 at 9:28 pm]
sure put in a tagboard... add the skunk too.... but whatever you do, you can't argue with the obvious... salman looks like a mop that went to bubbles.... furthermore there is nothing to substantiate the fact that elephants carry nothing in their trunks.... c'mon people.... its so obvious.... size does matter.... *hiccup*
[Posted by ar on Tuesday May 25, 2004 at 12:15 am]
You're just jealous of Salman. :p
And about size, it just matters to men. :D
[Posted by Aran on Wednesday May 26, 2004 at 10:27 am]
who wouldn't be jealous of a guy who can't act worth a fart and looks as haggard as simi garewal without her makeup.... dunno much bout size.... why are we talkin bout size in the first place????
[Posted by ar on Wednesday May 26, 2004 at 11:19 am]
Well, who cares about his acting. He just looks good. Wouldn't have such a huge fan following if he didn't.
And you started the size. :)
[Posted by Aran on Wednesday May 26, 2004 at 12:21 pm]
yup he'd look good.... on a pike!!!!!!! c'mon woman i was xpectin more of an argument... this is sad... how dare you accuse me of starting somethin bout sizes *shock* *shock* *udder disbelief*... mooooo mooooo
[Posted by ar on Wednesday May 26, 2004 at 2:06 pm]
What argument? Did I say he acted good? I just like him as a poster boy. His body. Yeah, B-O-D-Y. And what's so wrong in drooling about a body, huh?
ps. what size? Amnesia... :D
[Posted by Aran on Wednesday May 26, 2004 at 2:31 pm]
what's this bout a drooling body now.... bodies do that???? what are you talkin bout woman..... you like drooling over bodies???? good god... it is you then who i see lurkin around the ramkote cemetary .... what's with the camera and stick that you carry????? what's this bout amnesia??? *confused beyond stupidity*....
[Posted by ar on Wednesday May 26, 2004 at 2:41 pm]
ar, I think you live in the fullhyd servers. btw, isn't this getting a bit too long? I mean 22 comments? Too much, no?
Nope, mine is the Bjr. hills cemetary. And the bodies I like are before 1950. I like my bodies well-done.
okay, okay, you succeeded in grossing me out. YUCCCKKKKKK! And now?
[Posted by Aran on Wednesday May 26, 2004 at 2:58 pm]
before 1950... won't they be all decomposed and green and maggoty... yum.... i guess you're into vintage then.... right about this getting to be too long... tell you what... lets take this somewhere else... take my id.... lovecorpsesngore@salmansucksonions.ar.in
[Posted by ar on Wednesday May 26, 2004 at 3:31 pm]
Yes, they will be a lovely shade of green and grey and maggoty too. That's the real kind worth having. And thanks for the addy. I'm looking forward to a long and meaningful relationship with you. :)
[Posted by Aran on Wednesday May 26, 2004 at 5:03 pm]
long???? there's the mention of size again....aaarrrggghhhhhh.... relationship with mua????? tell me.. of my three heads, six arms and eight legs, which one of the backstreet boys do you like the most.... further more are pigs meant to be bred in captivity?????
[Posted by ar on Wednesday May 26, 2004 at 6:52 pm]
Well, even if I like lamps better than ball point pens, I wouldn't really think twice about getting my dog vaccinated twice for the same disease. This doesn't mean that the floral arrangement needs to be err... BIG. Does that answer your question?
[Posted by Aran on Wednesday May 26, 2004 at 7:52 pm]
what question?? who are you and why are you stalking me... help police... help....i can't tie my shoelaces... seems like the fountain has run dry and the monkeys don't wanna play with elvis anymore... aran is running amok in the onion plantation while ar smokes yesterdays cigarette tomorrow.... all is well with the world.... :-)
[Posted by ar on Wednesday May 26, 2004 at 8:10 pm]
wondering if this will ever finish...
[Posted by Aran on Wednesday May 26, 2004 at 8:23 pm]
you want to end it... after everything that i have done for you... the blood, the sweat, the children, the spoons, the dishes, the crockery, the clocks.....sad.. very sad.... so hows that mitten treatin you????
[Posted by ar on Wednesday May 26, 2004 at 8:41 pm]
So sorry. Have you picked up the banana peel from the middle of the road yet? Sometimes I think you could be sane if you only didn't try so much. That fevistick is not purple yet. Do you think you can manage?
[Posted by Aran on Wednesday May 26, 2004 at 8:53 pm]
what???!!!!! you want me to stick a fevistick where the sun dont shine... why would i do that to myself.... as if a banana wasn't enough....... purple supple many months ago... got me a little fly that says mummy mummy boost is the secret of my energy.... so you n me babe.. how bout it?????
[Posted by ar on Wednesday May 26, 2004 at 9:06 pm]
Fly???? You talking to me about flies now? God! Are you trying to scare me away?
[Posted by Aran on Thursday May 27, 2004 at 11:01 am]
why would i wanna scar you????? are you going masochistic on me... whip whip... black leather n all.... you is very weird little mohican..... speakin of which... honey is basically bee crap.... :-)
[Posted by ar on Thursday May 27, 2004 at 11:36 am]
Saw your latest blog entry. Scarring is definitely the thing to do today, huh?
[Posted by Aran on Thursday May 27, 2004 at 12:56 pm]
i have arrived and i plan on wreakin havoc.... shouldn't affect our relationship though ;-) ... we is bound by the straps of trash talking..... nice weather today...
[Posted by ar on Thursday May 27, 2004 at 1:09 pm]
Yes. Can we talk elsewhere? This is a little too public, you know.
[Posted by Aran on Thursday May 27, 2004 at 1:15 pm]
you serious.. if you are...well pm me then... i'm there on the fullhyd dicussion boards as agonys_requiem...
[Posted by ar on Thursday May 27, 2004 at 1:28 pm]
you serious.. if you are...well pm me then... i'm there on the fullhyd dicussion boards as agonys_requiem...
[Posted by ar on Thursday May 27, 2004 at 1:28 pm]
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