Joo Park Manazement

The title is misleading. This post is not about the management of The Nehru Zoological Park. It's about people who talk Tinglish. Tinglish is talking English in a Telugu accent (and also sometimes anglicizing Telugu words. God help me!)

Pet irritant alert - I'm going to rant about the biggest thing which irritates me about Tinglish (by the way - Tinglish sounds like such a nice word too. Like something related to ticklish or tingles - a cross between the two. :D But it's not. Just another example of nice words not being fit for their meanings.)

I think I became aware of Tinglish when I was in 9th standard. My class teacher, who taught us Maths (yuck), spoke fine Tinglish. I don't mean speaking Tinglish is fine, I meant that he did a fine job of speaking Tinglish. There's a difference between the two. The only sentence I remember verbatim, coming from his mouth, is - (ta da!) "We will go to the Joo Park. We will manaze." Let me explain. The poor guy was not nuts. I'm quoting him out of context. Well, the context was our annual excursion. He was planning to go to the Zoo and he was planning to manage 120 kids there, without losing some in the process. Though why would someone want to get lost in the zoo is really something I cannot comprehend. And someone who doesn't want to be lost, sees to it that he isn't. Problem solved.

I digress. (No, not tigress. Digress. Yes, this is a post which mentions "zoo" but still it's not tigress.) So what really amazed me when I heard that sentence is that the guy can pronounce both the sounds of "z" and "j" - BUT HE USES THEM IN THE WRONG PLACES! How wow is that!

Now Tinglishers, due to my inherent kind nature and because I do not want to hear 'z' and 'j' interchangably, I am writing a little exercise exclusively for you out there! (People who do not speak Tinglish: please help me spread the message) Tinglishers - repeat after me -

1. ZzzZzzzzZZZZzzzzz - Zoo. (Do that five times. If you cannot, try saying manaze and try to understand what you do with your tongue when you come to the 'z' part of manaze, then do that with Zoo.)

2. Jojo - Jiji - Jaja - Joy - Japan - MiraJGZSHe (mwahahahaha. No, forget mirage, that's beyond you. That was my idea of a cruel joke on you poor speakers of Tinglish.)

3. Now try this sentence - We will go to the ZZZZoo Park. (yes, stress the Z. You can do it!)

4. Now try - We will manaGe. (stress G/J part. Yes, like that. Good!).

5. Repeat 3 and 4 till perfected.

6. Go out and get those chicks and dazzle them with your new z-j skills. Enzoy! ;)

Disclaimer - The above is meant to be a public service exercise for the Tinglish speaking people. No, no. No thanks necessary. Really. I don't expect monetary benefits either but I realise you might feel inclined to offer me something because I've helped you change your accent and your life. I understand gratitude. But I don't take cheques. For cash gifts, leave a comment (clearly mentioning the amount you intend to err... donate,) and I'll mail you for the details on how the transaction can be completed. Have a nice Tinglish free life.

This entry is dedicated to my 9th standard Maths teach - Mr. R. Thank you, Sir, for making me aware of the existence of Tinglish. As they say - knowledge is power. See where it got me!