Analysing the verb, or, verbalysing that which is anal

It has always amused me the way my British-curriculum-schooled Bahrain cousins said they were going to 'make' kakka. Kakka - that's the babyname for the more solid of the biological human wastes. Or, to put it bluntly, for shit. Now my point is that one doesn't make shit. We make other things. Like Nargisi Koftas, for example. I do concede that there's a bit of a similarity between the two, particularly in terms of colour... but the shape... well, if we could only lay it out in rounded strips instead of rolling them into balls, maybe there'd be a case here... but, and this is a huge but, the similarity ends there. There's the taste to think of. And the smell. And one goes in one end, the other comes out the other. Perhaps we could put it this way - Some shit was once nargisi kofta. But that's very rare. One doesn't have nargisi kofta all that frequently. Anyhow, now that we have the relationship somewhat hammered out, let's get on with it.

Coming back to what I was saying, we do not make kakka. We do it. The correct verb, people, is do. For I do not see us actually making the stuff. Nor would I want to really, and I do suppose something inside us does make it, not out of thin air, but then what is made out of thin air anyway? Well, mirages are, now that I think of it, but you can't really count those as they aren't really real. You know what I mean? Anyway, here, the point is that somehere inside you, the stuff is made, sure, but when you're saying you're about to go to the toilet and, well, do your stuff, you're not actually making it in there at that moment, are you? You're just getting rid of the alreadymade stuff. Alreadymade - that's a new word I invented just now. And I quite like it too. Therefore, coming back to the point, what you're supposed to say is, I'm going to do shit.

Which doesn't sound quite right either. Drat the language! Hmmm... ok, what you can do is, you can say you're going to shit. Yes. Shit, apart from being a noun, is also a verb. Of course, it's also an exclamation (Shit! What happened to your hair?!), and lots of other things, but we'll leave that for another day. So the correct expression here is, I'm going to shit.

Which might be quite okay with the less evolved among us, but I can see how that phrase is going to give little old ladies apoplexy at the least and instant heart attacks if it comes to the worst. Let's face it, it's not very socially correct to announce that you're going to shit. Actually, at this point, I'm wondering why you're announcing it in the first place. I mean, you can just go and do your thing, but just for argument's sake, let's say you do have to let people know of your absence, we would like to determine what's the best thing to say in such circumstances. And I vote for - Excuse me. I need to go to the washroom.

Which is exactly what civilized people say when they need to 'make kakka'. Learn, Bahrain cousins. Learn! That sentence is correct and socially mature and vague enough. There is no way anyone is going to nitpick about it. Certainly not me. And if anyone else does, well, at least they're not going to rant about it to this extent.Therefore, it's safe enough to use. Whew!

Now... I also wonder why they say they'll take a shower. What exactly are they 'taking' in there...?