I Hate Birthday Parties

Really, I wouldn't mind not going to one in the rest of my life. They're nothing but torture. This is probably an extension of the 'I hate social gatherings' syndrome, but it is important enough to have its own post. The cake, the syrupy sweet Happy Birthday song, the eats, the embarrassed smile on the face of the person whose birthday it is, the sickly sweet anecdotes about the person that guests feel obliged to relate but everyone else ignores, the presents which do not have much thought behind them, all these get to me.

I was dragged to a birthday party today. Not literally, though I don't think that the day is far off. Apart from all the things mentioned above, the additional bad things about this one were:

1. It was the birthday of the daughter of my ex-crush. I had a massive crush on this person for all of ten years (which was documented for posterity here). That crush is a big deal to me and I strongly feel nobody should be allowed to see their ex-crush's wives or children who are in the wrong age group. It does something really screwy to their mental well-being.

2. There was a scrawny black-all-over kitten who kept getting between everyone's feet, mewling pitifully all the while. I think it got kicked once or twice too, though one can never be sure with children who look innocent the moment you look at them closely. I was too worried to eat because I had my eye and attention on the kitten. I was seriously wondering if it would be alive by the end of the evening. And obviously, you cannot think about eating birthday cake when kittens are about to die around you.

3. There were 13 children crammed into a three-bedroom house. Do I need to elaborate? About two days like that would drive me into becoming a knife-weilding, child-carving maniac. Maybe I should seriously rethink having children.

4. I had to stay there for all of 5 hours. Does one lose IQ points off one's score if one is subjected to long periods of boredom?

There surely could have been some way in which we could have been spared the humiliation of going through birthdays. I would have loved it if people weren't born on one particular day, but miraculously came into being over a period of time (or were assembled from parts born on different days maybe?) But no, someone would surely think of celebrating the completion date. Or (horror!!!) maybe even multiple birthdays. I should be content with what I have. It could be worse...