Have Misery. Will wallow.

And sometimes, when I don't have misery, I will invent some miserable situation to wallow. I have lots of those in store. Miserable situations. Too many. It can be anything and everything. There are no predetermined criteria for a situation to become miserable. I'm easy that way.

God hates me. My mom doesn't love me enough. The dog likes him more. I don't have a dog. I don't have a him. My life looks like someone's leftover life. I want a dark hole to crawl into. I don't have the attitude. I can't write. I'm not clever enough. Or cute enough. Or bitchy enough. Whatever it is, it has potential for being miserable about.

I am a champ at slowly pushing myself into the quagmire of miserable quicksand, not to mention using big words when I don't know exactly what they mean. And this, dear people, is a carefully learned and cultivated art. The quagmiring, not the using of big words. (heheh... think 'quagmiring' will make JLU lose it?). So getting on with it, this didn't happen overnight. I had to sit in dark rooms with the curtains closed so that even a peek of a sun's ray couldn't get in to light those dust motes floating in my room. (Damn! I still slip up sometimes. That description sounded a bit happy.)

Wallowing, I say, is good for the soul. In the same twisted way that eating divine chocolate pastries is good for you. If you can think past the calories, you're a better person than I am. Or just plain stupid. You'll clog your arteries. Don't you know that? What are you thinking?! But we're digressing here. To come back to the point, wallowing in misery is good. It makes one pity oneself, and that satisfies something in one. (Notice how I said 'one' instead of 'me'? That's called displacement. heheh) You get attention, even if it's only your own attention. And if you're lucky, the people around you will get so fed up with you that they'll give you attention too. Maybe with a hefty cricket bat if worse comes to worse, but hey, attention!

Dodging the great supply of happiness is not easy. It needs single-minded focus. Counting your blessings, thinking positively, babies, flowers, nature, love, hallmark and Laloo Prasad Yadav... all these will haunt you and make the pursuit of misery tough. But one who perseveres... shall be miserable. What I'm trying to say here is that the true seekers of misery should not let themselves be shaken off their path by obscene displays of happiness. Be proud to be miserable, wear your tears as a medal, and your grouchy grim expression as decoration. Ignore those long, peaceful drives, those sunsets along the sea, getting drenched in the rain, pleasant surprises... all these are traps laid for you. Steer clear. Avoid.

And go forth and be miserable. May unhappiness be with you.

This post is dedicated to Pye. And the current mood is dedicated to Script Writer. ;)