In Three Easy Do-it-Yourself Steps
How to Dream about Food
Step 1. Gain 4 kgs.
Step 2. Get on scale in front of Mother. Side effect: Mother freaks out.
Step 3. Have frantic session where you promise to diet until you become stick figure or similar.
Note: Continually monitor Mother's condition during Step 2. Keep water, gloomy face and aplomb handy for emergencies.
How to Diet
Step 1. Don't eat.
Step 2. Don't eat.
Step 3. All of the above.
Note: For best results, combine Steps 1, 2 and 3.
What to do when Tempted
Step 1. Carry pesticide at all times. When confronted with food, spray. (Not to be attempted by suicidal or hysterical persons)
Step 2. Turn into slobbering drooling incoherent moron. (Keep out of reach of children below 13 years)
Step 3. Pass out due to fighting the craving. Alternatively, cry, hate, curse, blame, lie back and think of the Queen.
What to do when people say "It's ok. Just this once" and offer fattening things
Step 1. Throw Sugarfree at them.
That's it.
:(( :(( :(( :((
4 kilos!!! damn. :( That's when I should be 5 less than minus 4 kilos of current weight. According to Mother I should be 5 lesser than 5 less than minus 4 of current weight. We went shopping and bought Tofu and diet mayonnaise, whole wheat bread and low sodium salt, and and and... Sigh. At least I get to eat pears. Silver lining and all...
:((
Step 1. Gain 4 kgs.
Step 2. Get on scale in front of Mother. Side effect: Mother freaks out.
Step 3. Have frantic session where you promise to diet until you become stick figure or similar.
Note: Continually monitor Mother's condition during Step 2. Keep water, gloomy face and aplomb handy for emergencies.
How to Diet
Step 1. Don't eat.
Step 2. Don't eat.
Step 3. All of the above.
Note: For best results, combine Steps 1, 2 and 3.
What to do when Tempted
Step 1. Carry pesticide at all times. When confronted with food, spray. (Not to be attempted by suicidal or hysterical persons)
Step 2. Turn into slobbering drooling incoherent moron. (Keep out of reach of children below 13 years)
Step 3. Pass out due to fighting the craving. Alternatively, cry, hate, curse, blame, lie back and think of the Queen.
What to do when people say "It's ok. Just this once" and offer fattening things
Step 1. Throw Sugarfree at them.
That's it.
:(( :(( :(( :((
4 kilos!!! damn. :( That's when I should be 5 less than minus 4 kilos of current weight. According to Mother I should be 5 lesser than 5 less than minus 4 of current weight. We went shopping and bought Tofu and diet mayonnaise, whole wheat bread and low sodium salt, and and and... Sigh. At least I get to eat pears. Silver lining and all...
:((
posted by Aran at 11:53 PM
7 Comments:
Aran, your last but one sentence almost had my jaw touching the floor. I read 'pears' as 'peers'. And even if that would have been true as well (at least the comments you leave on my blog leave me with no doubts over what you best like to eat), the sheer honesty with which I thought you stated the obvious left me dumbstruck.
I like the effect I have on you Scripto, but really, you should not speak of my imagined cannibalistic tendencies in public. Think about what it would do to my popularity!
And I'm curious. Just what is 'the obvious' that you refer to? Elaborate.
where do you get these templates? do you make them yourself? every time I come I'm floored by something new...and here I was flummoxed by having to personalize just one pre-pepared template...*takes a bow*
wait..wait...wait...am I missing something here? what happened to all the posts in between?
....!!!......!!!
goddamn...*light bulb flashes* this is diff. blog! damn...I didn't know this existed!
Yes, I make the templates myself and why are you taking a bow?
*pats the lightbulb* Good lightbulb, working perfectly. Well, now you know of this one. :)
And well, there will be something I'll want to tell you a few days from now. I have to know how I can get hold of you.
Popularity? Did I read that right? Why do you do this to me, my dear Aran? Everytime I want to be nice to you why do you have to force me to become mean? Why do you do this to me?
And now do you see what you have done? How could you make me post a comment full of questions?
Well, I didn't make you do that. And if I did, then I wish I could also have made you answer my question before filling up the comment space with yours. Sigh.
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