Friday, October 27, 2006

Save the Pacific Northwest Tree Octopus

I'm too much of a conserver. Or at least I'd like to think so. See, I do my bit. I just snapped off switches of two tube lights in the dining/living room when I went downstairs to drink water. Amma is the exact opposite. She needs everything brightly lit. (It's the royal gene. Yes, she says she has one. Don't ask me who the royal ancestor was - I don't know and don't care. It was probably some feudal landlord she plays up anyway. Ask closely, and poof, I will be reduced to normality. We don't want that, do we? We need to tell our grandchildren they had a royal ancestor and insist on crazy things citing the royalness in our blood in our own dotage. So we'll let vague royal ancestors exist without close questioning.)

Now, I don't understand what the need for two tube lights is in the middle of the day in a place that is open... where there are windows and light flows in quite naturally. My house has an open floor plan. Ok, I don't know what that means, but just that my neighbour can see into my bathroom from his terrace if he is perverted enough. Actually, peeking into females' bathrooms isn't even a true blue perversion, is it? He just needs to be male. Surely everybody does it, if they have the chance. So will he. (But don't worry, he won't. First, because the house is rented to a day-school and the roof is off limits to everyone, and secondly, because there's no male neighbour living in that house, but maybe I should fix the broken pane in the window anyway... just in case...)

But we were talking about my conservationistic behaviour. Coming back to that, I'm all for conserving water and all too - close taps while brushing, etc. Let's not get into this too deep because I like water too much and will stand under the shower too long at times just to feel the water running down my body. I'm pretty sensual like that. *ahem*

Yes, well, okay. Let's get on. I wonder if the day will ever come when shopkeepers in India will stock paper bags instead of plastic ones. The only things one gets in paper bags now are unmentionables from Navrang in Abids, you know, that shop in the lane before Hollywood, the ones who sell... well... unmentionables? Well, okay, intimate apparel. (That definitely sounds better than bras and panties. Please, guys who are reading this, do not disagree. This post is embarassing enough as it is.) (While writing this, just now, I couldn't remember the name of the shop, and I texted my friend to ask, and then called my mother when friend didn't reply immediately. Now I have a curious friend and mother who are wondering why I wanted the name of a shop that sells lingerie while I was on the computer. Seeing as how they don't know about the existence of my blog, it was tricky explaining to them why I needed it. With mom, I just giggled and said I needed it. And to friend, I said I am writing something and it led to all sorts of questioning. I'm sure they're thinking I'm into something perverted or illicit online. My image is tarnished forever. Forever.)

So, to continue, lingerie shops have paper bags only because what they sell is so shameful that seeing a woman, or *gasp* a man, holding a plastic bag advertising their shop and product would be an immediate cause for averting eyes and ignoring said person. Oh, and paper bags are also for other unmentionables. Like sanitary napkins. Though lately my friendly neighbourhood kirana shop owner has decided to give out those in plain black plastic bags that get black ink on your fingers if you touch them. The Earth is surely going to choke and die one of these days. The black ink will be to blame. Mark my words.

I am not fanatically opposed to plastic bags, sometimes they're necessary when nothing else is available, and you can't just swear off them. It's just that they should be done away with when they can be. I remember this incident where I bought something small, I think it was a chocolate bar, and the shopkeeper offered me a plastic bag and I said no, because I could carry it. And he snatched the thing out of my hands, good-naturedly, and bagged it before handing it to me. See, I understand when it is necessary, but when you're buying something you can carry in your hand without a bag, why use one? I simply took out my whatever-it-was and handed the bag back to him, not good-naturedly, and gave him a curt 'No, thank you,' only it was from between gritted teeth and maybe my expression was a teeny bit hostile because he recoiled. Well, maybe I was overly enthusiastic about throwing the bag back on his counter too. (I assure you I'm not generally rabid to shop-keepers this way. I am grouchy to only ones who disrespect my wishes to not have a plastic bag.)

So, in these situations, with the world going to rot and no one around me caring about it, I feel it is only my duty to switch off lights and insist on going bagless when I buy small things. So I do. Now, at this point, you're all wondering where the Pacific Northwest Tree Octopus comes into it all. It doesn't really. I just hunted around for something to name the post, because Save the Whales is just too usual, (and done before) and out pops this site (click on the title of the post). That's it. My search has ended with the Pacific Northwest Tree Octopus. A nicely mad touch, isn't it? Quite in keeping with this blog. I actually think I could adopt one tree octopus. Virtually, of course. Byclops has been here quite a while, hasn't he?

Anyway, the site is kind of interesting, and pretty to look at. I mean, most sites are pretty garish. This one isn't. And it's also weird. I quote, "Tree octopuses became prized by the fashion industry as ornamental decorations for hats...." I mean, what??! People go around with an octopus on their heads?? In the name of fashion? Really? Where? Anyway, readers, do visit and sign the petition. That's your bit in saving the pacific northwest tree octopus. Your good deed for the year.

Actually, when I reached the end of the page on the tree octopus site, I noticed other interesting animals I could have named my post after. Like the Mountain Walrus (?!) or the Manhattan Beach Mottled Roach ("Save one roach today, that tomorrow we may save millions!" Uh, excuse me, a roach? No, thank you. And when you save one now, tomorrow you don't need to save millions tomorrow. Millions do not need saving.) Or there's the Rock Nest Monster ("Known only from its rocky nests and porcelean-like eggs, Cryptogorgo petronidus is so endangered that existential environmentalists wonder if it ever existed at all"), the Giant Palouse Earthworm ("They can grow up to three feet in length, are pinkish-white, and smell of lilies." Thank you for telling me about the lily-smell.) and the Red Crabs of Christmas Island (who, among the problems they face, also "have to contend with super-colonies of yellow crazy ants, introduced to the island by the thoughtless actions of Man.") So, go ahead. Take your pick. Save something. Anything. It hardly matters what with so many that need saving.

Friday, October 13, 2006

Stop Moving my Cheese

Today, as I logged on to my Yahoo messenger, it told me that one of my contacts is using Windows Live (MSN) Messenger, and wants to add me to his or her Messenger List. But to start sharing messages, I first need to download the latest version of Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. Aha! I thought. My Yahoo! Messenger is being so helpful and anticipating my needs. It is even telling me what I should be doing next. That is... not too bad, if we overlook the fact that it is trying to make me do something.

But it didn't stop with my Yahoo! Messenger. My MSN Messenger wants to mate with my Yahoo! Messenger. My Yahoo! Mail is proudly offering me a Beta version. Come to think of it, so is Blogger. My communication software products are somehow getting lives of their own, and thus, minds of their own. They want me to dance to their tune instead of it happening the other way around.

Now, I admit I'm not the brightest cookie around when it comes to all things tech and I fear my computer, (though I take care to hide this fear from it, or it will just take advantage of me) Haha, like it isn't doing that already)) but I draw the line at letting my communication software rule me. A very bold and italicised line. A very, very forbidding line indeed.

And they happily jump over that very line and waggle their tongues at me. By telling me one fine day that I cannot use my Yahoo! Messenger because it is an old and dead version (and the underlying message is, of course, why aren't you dead already User, when you're using that outdated version we made for cavemen? What is wrong with you?). Therefore, I will be forced, coerced, ordered to download the latest version, which will just probably have a purple coloured background added on to the last version. Why do I need that? Why can't I decide how much I need?

Let me tell you here, I do not like change. I'm a control freak. I want to control my programs and not the other way around. And just why is everyone in the world suddenly bettering their products? What is wrong with the ones already around? It's just email. Or a messenger. You use it only to write text. How hot can you make it before the frills completely overtake the basic thing you're offering, which is free email and good storage space, or communication. And it's free! What else does one need? Why does the interface have to come in 24 colours? So really, shut up and let it be and stop making it jazzy and spiffy. Or jazzier and spiffier.

I totally understand that Mail and Messenger people really do want to better things out of the kindness of their hearts and love for their customers, (with absolutely nothing to do with market share or competitiveness among other providers), but please don't ask us to download the new version or change to the better one unless it's really something worthwhile you're selling. It's irritating to have the constant reminder popping up. And it's very very frustrating when I can't use my old messenger anymore and it tells me I have to download the latest version to continue using it. I'm pretty happy with the one I have, thank you.

That's it for now, as I slip into flashbacks of the time when men were real men, women were real women, and my messenger and e-mail were really servient messenger and e-mail...