Supernova

There's a capillary burst on my right arm. The inside of my upper arm, to be more precise. Pale yellow skin with little, sparse brownish hair and the striking red dotted cuteness against that. It looks awesome.

Or maybe like I've got the pox or rabies. Actually, what does rabies look like? Uhmm... let's say it's a skin rash. I know what a skin rash looks like.

I showed it to mom and she says it's a capillary burst. The doctor-patient conversation went like this.

Did you get hurt there?
No.
Did someone hold you very tightly?
No.
Then?
What then?
Then what happened?
Shrug.

And then she lost interest. What's with mom-doctors? How can they not know what's happened? How can they take it so lightly? Maybe a bug bit me. Maybe I'm contaminated. Maybe I will die a horrible death in the next few hours. Damn, she's my mother! She ought to be concerned, right? Right?

Well, on the other hand, or on the same hand, it does look pretty. (Hyuk. That was a bad one!)

And I finally told her I fainted. That conversation went like this.

I fainted last week.
When?!
Last week.
Where?
University.
You didn't tell me.
Shrug.

She lost interest.

Ooohh epiphany! There's a pattern here for ones who choose to see. Actually, you'd have to be blind not to. But seriously, lose the shrug, stupid. Be more involved. Result: mother-daughter, doctor-patient bonding. Voilà!

The Needle's Stuck

I ate today. I ate a lot today. I shouldn't have eaten a lot today. I shouldn't eat a lot any day. I totally hate people who are obsessed about food intake / weight. All that taken together, I want to change. I want to change from being obsessed about my weight and I want to change my weight. The duality in that sentence is making me go crazy. I am turning schizo about it.

I swear my thighs have grown since yesterday. Not that I measure them or anything (that would be madness), but they just look ENORMOUS. I'm scared just looking at them. It doesn't help that the dumb scale moved just one kilo down over the past two weeks. I mean I'm living on scraps and walking and killing myself and the damn thing doesn't even have the decency to move. The fat is just too stubborn. It is not budging.

This and the fact that I was home all day today made me pig out totally. Binge. At least I didn't eat anything sweet. That would have have destroyed me. Destroyed the diet I mean. I couldn't have gone back to denying everything all the time. Well, I don't really, but that's how it feels. I feel like I haven't eaten anything tasty for the last century or something. I'm down to thinking what something good tastes like. Today I was fantasizing about eating dal chawal. Imagine that! I realized that craving for dal chawal was getting really pathetic. So I made a decision. My sanity was a lot more important than my weight. Therefore, I succumbed to the madness. I mixed an enormous amount of rice and dal and pigged out.

Somebody help me.

Stupid in Love

I'm getting good at dissuading people from making fools of themselves in the name of love. I wonder what goes wrong in their thinking that they cannot see what they're doing. No respect for consequences, no foresight, assuming things and blindly going and making asses of self. Do they stop thinking when they think they're in love? How can one have such a complete Dumbhead Syndrome?

Anyway, the point here is that I am getting to be some kind of an expert in talking them out of going ahead with stupid plans. I think I will make little visiting cards and distribute them. Open an agency-Foolproof it shall be called. "101 methods and ways to show you how to save face and dignity." Here is a little of the wisdom.

When you think you're in love:
1. Do not make plans. Because, seriously, your mind's screwed up.
2. Do not assume:
a. the other person loves you.
b. is aware of your feelings.
3. Talk to a sane person about it. Chances are, anybody other than you will be sane at that point of time.
4. Do not tell the parents and get them unecessarily worried that you're losing it. They birthed you (sounds like whales :D), so naturally they wouldn't like you acting mentally challenged.
5. Please, really, this is important, pay attention: Think before you act. Think of how it will affect all concerned. Do not be selfish, sicko.

I've had three successful cases in the past. Of making people realise that what they're thinking is not so good. It's nothing less than foolishness. (So is that a good record?) The key is to make them doubt. Sow the seeds and step back. See them burst forth and flower... it's such a mean thing to do. What's the certainty that what I make them do instead is right? Well, objectivity and an unbiased view is alright, but seriously, it's a little like playing Almighty. And it disgusts me. Some consolation that what was going to happen was so oddball and unthinkable. Well, others thought so too.

But still, it's sad that people are manipulated this way. By me.