Adverb Advice or Grammar Guru?

So my proof reader asks me what an adverb is. And, well, I don't know. Not exactly. Not really. Now, its not that bad cos I can identify it in a sentence where it's present, but I cannot tell her how I do it or define it. So then I think of nouns. Yes, those are things. She looks at me blankly. Like... chair, table... things like that. Blank stare continues. Names of things... like what you can call them. Those things are nouns. And adjectives are things which describe these things. Like beautiful, ugly, etc. And adverbs... they're well, like in this sentence see, 'slowly' is an adverb. She says ok and gets back to her work.

Here, just a warning. Adverbs. They are tricky little things. Beware of the adverbs.

I still sit thinking about adverbs for the whole day. I think. I ponder. I think I even scratch head and frown, but I'm not sure about that. And somehow through some complex process I realise that adverbs are things which describe verbs. Verbs are doing things. And adverbs describe doing things. Like snoring softly. Snoring is a verb and softly is the adverb. Phew! Mrs. Oommen didn't fail completely.

Then today co-worker asks me what's past perfect tense. How totally inconsiderate! Humph.

And I'm supposed to be an editor. Woe!

Watch It Slipping Through Your Fingers

I'm impulsive. And I'm coming to the point where I cannot tolerate people I don't like. People who simper. That's such a sick word. One that rouses only disgust in me and then I lose myself and say something cutting to the person, probably something wildly derogatory and sarcastic. Sometimes they even get it.

Then there are those who play games, saying things they don't mean.

I was talking on the phone the whole night yesterday.
Oh, really.
Don't ask me with whom.

And there's the totally transparent invitation to ask. Just say it, dammit. Don't make me curl my hands up in an effort not to say the derisive things that jump to mind.And when I find both these things in one person, I want to maim her. I want to make sure her condition isn't hereditary. I want to make sure she's never sitting beside me at lunchtime, because I just might turn violent. But yesterday, it happened. Well, she sat next to me. And the abovementioned conversation happened. There I was, trying so hard not to do anything, not to say anything. So thank God I didn't. But I had vivid visions which I don't think I'll get into here. Just that they were... well... homicidal.

So this is why I don't get along with people. Cos I can't follow the rules. I say this and you say that and then I will say this and you ask that. I hate ordered, measured conversations. I'd much rather shock and be unpredictable. It's much more fun. So much more alive than insipid, meaningless words. And wit is treasured above all. If you make me laugh, I love you. Simple.

And hence, with all of the things I can't take, I realise I'll have many more enemies than I need. Where's that open-mindedness I pride myself on? Where's the tolerance? I need to be more accomodating. And that seems so hard right now. Sigh.