Touché
Recently, I've developed a new affliction. It's right in line with my unusual diseases, so I'm not too concerned. Either that or I'm putting on a really brave front but am quaking inside. Yes, perhaps that's the truth. But with me and my second-guessing, you'd never know.
I'm totally ignorant when it comes to illnesses, mainly because I don't fall sick very often, and that is always a cause for deep heartache. Who would want to miss all the attention that goes along with minor sickness? I still remember the way I used to gaze forlornly at sick (as in unhealthy) little kids who came to my mother's clinic for medication. My mother the doctor talked really nicely to those kids. Cajoling and loving them right into a necessary injection. They never knew what happened. Sigh. My mother the angel. My mother, kindness incarnate to those little kids who already had a mother of their own to give them love. Those bloody snotty little kids hogged all my mother's attention. Ungrateful weasly beings. Snatching, crapping and marking themselves all over my territory. Oh, those days! The trauma!! Let me take a moment to compose myself...
Ok. So back to this thing, it's a skin problem I think. On the outside of my right foot. The mother saw the thing, felt it, and pronounced the diagnosis. Elephant skin. I'm not joking. That's what she said it is. I swear. It kind of feels hard and dry and scaly to the touch. I even have photographic evidence. (The real elephant is to the left. The right is 'No, this is not happening to me')
I'm totally ignorant when it comes to illnesses, mainly because I don't fall sick very often, and that is always a cause for deep heartache. Who would want to miss all the attention that goes along with minor sickness? I still remember the way I used to gaze forlornly at sick (as in unhealthy) little kids who came to my mother's clinic for medication. My mother the doctor talked really nicely to those kids. Cajoling and loving them right into a necessary injection. They never knew what happened. Sigh. My mother the angel. My mother, kindness incarnate to those little kids who already had a mother of their own to give them love. Those bloody snotty little kids hogged all my mother's attention. Ungrateful weasly beings. Snatching, crapping and marking themselves all over my territory. Oh, those days! The trauma!! Let me take a moment to compose myself...
Ok. So back to this thing, it's a skin problem I think. On the outside of my right foot. The mother saw the thing, felt it, and pronounced the diagnosis. Elephant skin. I'm not joking. That's what she said it is. I swear. It kind of feels hard and dry and scaly to the touch. I even have photographic evidence. (The real elephant is to the left. The right is 'No, this is not happening to me')
See what I mean? I'd do any elephant proud. But jokes aside, it's really sad. As if I needed any more identification with big, grey, hulking, fat beasts. Will it never end?!
Immediately after being diagnosed, I was understandably in a thoughtful mood. Who wouldn't be? I asked the mother how she knew it was Elephant skin. She said it felt like that. A pause. Then I asked her when she'd felt elephants before. She said she does daily. Ahem. I looked at dad and giggled. Of course all this hilarity and good cheer was to diffuse the tense atmosphere of the moment. We're good like that. We diffuse tense moments. But it still didn't make my foot-skin problem alright.
Oh man. Those pics make it look worse than it really is. Look at the furrow-like things on that left one. Totally hideous. Ok, I managed to scare myself all over again. If I hadn't taken those pics with my own hands, I'd have felt deep overwhelming pity for the one who had those things. It's the angle or something, it isn't really that bad. So don't start writing those obituaries yet. And see the vague discolourations on the leg in the right pic... that's the site. Don't ask me how I managed to take a pic of that part like that all by myself. Contortionistic no?
And finally? It's some skin cream that smells like eggs gone bad for me. I forget to use it more times than not, and actually, I think I've lost the tube... but then the offensive thing came on its own, it can as well go away on its own. I'm not catering to something my mother called elephant skin. No way. One fine day in the near future I'm going to wake up to beautiful, unblemished feet and fall in love with their loveliness. Mere payr, kitne sundar, kitne komal...
Related nonsense: Do not ever search for pictures of elephant skin. Don't even click on that link. Seriously. It's not good. Especially the pic called "Experimental butchery of an elephant..." which looks like they're skinning an elephant.
Not so related, but nevertheless cute nonsense: Allapum. That's what my cousin used to call an elephant when he was little cos he couldn't say elephant. It's now our family's official name for elephants.
Related, necessary (non)sense: The title of the post is pronounced 'too-shay'. I've always liked the word.
6 Comments:
I left a comment, on the last post. What happened? Someone(not me!!!) gobbled it up without even spitting out the bones. Now I'm too lazy to recomment again. Hope this one has a better fate.
Regarding post, maybe you will come out of this ordeal with a positive side-effect. You just might end up having memory like the elephants.
P.S. I wish I had a baby-elephant for a real pet. If wishes were...
Aran, what can I say? I realise that I am using this sentence twice in comments on as many blog posts but I really am speechless. Shocked would be more like it. Yes, I was aware of the skin ailment you have. Did you have to introduce it to me this personally?
Compared to what you have done to me, what my porn post did to you sounds utterly insignificant. Next time before posting pictures of your disorders please post sufficient warning labels.
it appears, on preliminary considerations, that your second toe is bigger than your big toe.
Hmmmm.
And yes, Allapum skin looks rather ghastly. R rated pic, definitely.
Oh, and i like touche. Rolls off the tongue really nicely.
Sad, don't tell me I'm losing your posts... :( Memory, I can never have. Alas! And in reply to your PS. you can have any pet you want. For example, see Firefly.
Scripto, oh Scripto. You shouldn't be so discriminating. I already said it looks yuckier than it is. It's just a harmless little hard skin. That's all.
Melon collie, you've made me positively giddy with joy. You noticed my second toe. Such study of random pics of mine is what I live for. And refer to earlier reply of Scripto's comment wrt. ghastliness. I wouldn't have posted it if I knew it would jar my readers' senses, would I?
(In gabbar ishtyle)
soja beta soja.. varna aran aa jaayegi.. ;))
Dunt worry.. That darned thing wont spread to other parts of your body..
*ducks*
No, you didn't say that. Of course you didn't. We will not consider it said. And thus will continue our saga of friendship and amity.
*elephants*
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